When the path splits

It was a whirlwind romance.

It started faster than I wanted it to start.
It ended faster than I wanted it to end.

And it ended with me on the floor. Sobbing my eyes out. Clutching at my heart wishing I could tear it out so it wouldn't hurt anymore.

I felt pathetic. Weak. Angry.
Not at him though.

At myself.
For being such a loser.
For loving someone that was such a loser.

I thought of my family. My father. Ohgodmydad.

He loved me so much. He would be so disappointed in me. In what I've become.

I reached for the pills.

The tears ran harder. My heart. It hurt so much.
I hit my chest. Hard. The pain felt better than the dull knife in my heart.

I swallowed a pill.

I slammed my fist into the floor. Into the wall.
I hated. Hated. HATED myself with a passion.
Oh God! Why?? WHY??

I swallowed another pill.

I wanted a knife. I couldn't find one.
I squeezed my eyes shut tight.
I didn't know if I dared to cut myself anyway.
So I hit the floor again.
And again.
And again.

I swallowed another pill.

And all went black.